You know what bothers me? When someone on Facebook has “author” before their name.

I don’t know why it does, but when I’m scanning headlines of my friends, occasionally a name will pop up with “Author So and So”.  This causes a mental cringe. Sometimes, due to inadvertent spamming (it my be not be, who knows) I see “Author So and So” eight or nine times. This causes many mental cringes (and a few shakes of the head).

The worst part about it is that this isn’t someone like John Scalzi or Margaret Weis or even Tobias Buckell. These are small press writers like me, who seem to feel that they need to validate something by having this in front of their name.

Look “author”, you’ve made it. Really. That book, with your name on it, published by a company that is going to be writing you royalty checks, really means you’ve made it. Now, you may not be rolling in the dough (or cash, whatever floats your boat), but you have a book out. That was the lifelong goal, right? Or at least, the important step of your genius plan for world domination.

You. Are. Published.

Going on about “Author So and So” on Facebook is like telling everyone you meet that you are hung like a bull (I’ve seen bulls. You don’t want to be hung like one. Makes t-shirts impossible.) and everyone must acknowledge this fact every time they see you… okay, horrible analogy.

I suck at analogies.

Man, you’d think I wasn’t a writer sometimes, the way these blogs turn into a dirty minded old man’s secret musings about life, the universe and a bad can of tuna.

*deep breath*

Okay, I’ll try this again. Flaunt it if you’ve got it. But calling yourself “Author” before the name your parents gave you (or the pen name you choose) is sort of going over the top. If they’re your friends on Facebook, they probably already know you’re a writer (due to the thousands of posts you should have made about the release date, any sequels, your contract, finishing up chapter twelve… you get the point) and don’t need to be reminded about it every time you post.

If you don’t care, on the other hand, then your marketing plan is pure genius — force feed them your name until they subconsciously are looking for it every time they read something online.

It should work. I mean, I don’t see any flaws in that evil genius perfectly acceptable plan.