My friends on Facebook, have you no shame?

99% of your friends, family, acquaintances and coworkers have already decided who they are voting for. Why must you slather the news feeds about “Romney did this so he’s teh evil” or “Obama did this so he’s teh evil”? You aren’t changing any minds, aren’t changing opinions about the candidates and only reinforce the opinions of others about you. Seriously, I quit Facebook for over a month because the news feeds were starting to get ridiculous. I started looking at it again last week and, wouldn’t you know it, the attacks have only gotten worse. Of course, I do wish this were back in the 1800’s still, so dueling could be legal. Some of you need to go out there, stand at 10 paces and throw 50 pound cinder blocks at one another (yes, that is what I mean by “bricks at dawn!”).

Friends, countrymen (sorry to my Israeli friends; still love you guys over there), compatriots… shut up! Seriously, shut the hell up. I am so sick and tired of watching my conservative and liberal friends go at each other that I’m going to start randomly screaming at people the next time I see them just so I can say “And that’s what my Facebook wall looked like for a damned year, you bastards!”.

I polled my team and other coworkers a few months ago about who they were voting for, completely anonymous (they like their privacy, as do I). They were 22-5 (with 5 not voting). I asked around this week and it’s… wait for it… 22-5 (with 5 not voting again). Nobody’s opinion has changed. Why? Because they have already decided! The mythical “undecided voter” is like the unicorn — it doesn’t exist. The majority of voters who say they are undecided are either embarrassed by who they are voting for or simply don’t want people to know. Maybe 5% of “undecided” voters are truly undecided, and they will remain undecided no matter what you do. It’ll be a last-minute “screw it, that guy” vote.

So… do you really want to lose friends on Facebook because you’re trying to reach that %5 who you probably aren’t even friends with?

I will tell you to go and vote. Tell others to vote. But for the love of all that’s unholy, don’t tell them who to vote for. That’s their job. If they want to vote against your candidate, then that’s their vote and you have no place to call them names because of it. They did their duty and voted. Just because they don’t agree with you doesn’t make them wrong, it makes them a part of the democratic process. Look, your opinion carries as much weight as the next guy’s. It also stinks, just like the other guy’s. Why? Because when you think you’re right, there is someone who is always going to think that you’re wrong, and vice versa. Deal with it.

And don’t get into the argument about a republic vs. democracy. It’s a waste of breath.

Oh, my vote? Unhappy Troglodyte 2012!