The Streets Are Paved With Gold and Broken Dreams

There are days where everything you touch turns to gold, where the people who follow you walk along the streets and sing your praises and the marching band behind them is in perfect formation as they play “Louie, Louie”. The days where the heaven and earth both rejoice in the absolute amazing day that you are having.

…and then there are days like today.

I like to consider myself a pretty smart guy. I mean, outside of the usual “yeah, I went to college, I’m smart” statement, I consider myself intelligent. I mean, I’m no Einstein, but I can hum a few bars once in awhile. For some reason though, today while I was trying to explain things I sounded like the biggest idiot in the world. I’m talking mistake after mistake, which would then compound on top of things, and then throw in the fact that I was a nervous wreck and you have the perfect storm of Jasonidiocy (totally a thing now).

So then tonight I was feeling down. Other stuff going on got to me and I started thinking. When I’m depressed a bit and get to thinking, this is usually a bad sign… except for when I’m writing, then it’s a great sign, because it means that a planet is about to die in a book. But then I spoke with one of my residents and he told me that he’d never been given a pair of new basketball shoes before. He usually got stuff from Goodwill (which is no knock on Goodwill; I’ve gotten plenty of khakis and sweaters there myself) but he’d never had a pair of new, only been worn by him shoes.

So tonight I decided that I was going to buy this kid some new shoes.

I’d set aside some money the past two months so I can get myself new shoes. My current ones are ratty and have a suspicious hole near the big toe, but they’re not my only pair, merely my fave (Merrell makes good shoes). So instead of wasting money on me and feeling like a bigger turd (I hate spending money on myself) I went ahead and got him a brand new pair of Under Armor Clutchfit Drive 3 (they were on sale) so he can play basketball in something other than old deck shoes (yes, he plays basketball in sailing shoes because that’s all he has).

It helped me feel better. I don’t have a particularly strong relationship with the kid (I see him at meals, and at the gym on campus), and I have no idea how long he’s going to be here, but at least I know for now that he can play basketball in something he can call his own.

Gift giving is about fulfilling a need sometimes. That’s what it was for me today. It fulfilled my need to help someone who has worse luck than I because even though my day was crap, not everyone’s needs to be.

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