I’m Bored and Don’t Feel Like Writing

There’s been no small amount of dark humor floating around this week, with the best one I’ve come across so far being Operation It’s A Small War After All. Now, I applaud this Marine sergeant’s ingenuity with his placement of his troops and artillery, especially when considering this is a siege of Cinderella’s Castle (with secondary objective being the utter annihilation of the “It’s A Small World” ride), but part of me looks at his carefully drawn battle plan and realize that he missed one huge problem: Frontierland.

The armies of semi-literate, mildly racist cartoon animals will be able to regroup and reassemble here. Combine with the tactical advice with their neighbors in Adventureland (neighbors which include Davy Crockett, Daniel Boone, etc), these furry, vengeful, well-armed koombyah singing characters will be able to sweep through the heavy cover provided by Frontierland using an amphibious assault (which I find both highly amusing and filled with irony). Once they cross Frontierland, I foresee a problem with the Marines Command Center being outflanked by Boone, Crockett and Br’er Rabbit (who, with the survivors of Cinderella’s Castle, will probably be more vengeful than a pissed off Army football fan). It will possibly end with many characters dead and/or wounded (we shall miss you so, Uncle Remus), but with Main Street USA retaken and the Marine CiC destroyed, Fantasyland denizens can finally come out of hiding and, with their magic, rout the remaining Marines. Meanwhile, Boone and his surviving 300 Disney Characters shall hold Main Street USA against the Marine artillery bombardment while Roger Rabbit and the others of Toon Town violate 67 Laws of Physics to sweep in from the north and take out the arty.

This is why you don’t let a Marine plan an invasion against magical creatures. 

By Jason Cordova

Born in Orange, California, author Jason Cordova has written books ranging from the fantastical realms of fantasy to the militaristic side of science fiction. His latest should be out soon. Really. You should probably buy it. Check Amazon. Demand it at your local store. Pay for his kitten kibble.

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